Speculate wildly about a historical character

All of Alexander Pope’s classical prose was actually ghost written by noted littérateur Geru Hallwell.


Rumours are that famed protagonist Arabella Fermor from the high burlesque classic The Rape Of The Lock was actually based on one of the all time great muses of the Enlightenment Era, Mel Beh.
 
Sir Francis Drake claimed his knighthood for enslaving half of the Americas, but he actually stumbled upon it by accident. He took a wrong turn on the Irish Sea while out looking for a 24 Hour Co-Op; the one at Portsmouth Harbour closes at 11 and he was dying for a sausage roll.
 
Robert the Bruce hated his name, and desperately wished he was just called Bob Smith

The rumour was that Robin Of Loxley had already claimed that name for his pseudonym whenever he checked into the Premier Inn to secretly meet Maid Marion, and Robert's PR team were worried he might get mistaken for an Englishman :(
 
Sir Francis Drake claimed his knighthood for enslaving half of the Americas, but he actually stumbled upon it by accident. He took a wrong turn on the Irish Sea while out looking for a 24 Hour Co-Op; the one at Portsmouth Harbour closes at 11 and he was dying for a sausage roll.
This a total rewriting of history. Sir Francis detested the Co-Op. He hated their ethics. He preferred shopping at late night garages, safe in the knowledge he was supporting BIG OIL.
 
This a total rewriting of history. Sir Francis detested the Co-Op. He hated their ethics. He preferred shopping at late night garages, safe in the knowledge he was supporting BIG OIL.

That's what I get for reading the historical pages of the DAILY FAIL.
 
William Wallace was born in Wolverhampton and only moved to Scotland when he was 14. Throughout his life, he never lost his strong Black Country accent, which is what Mel Gibson was trying to do in ‘Braveheart’.

I wonder if that means that Kevin Costner was born in... oh wait never mind he didn't even fucking bother to try.
 
Lord Reith's original aim for the BBC was "To Educate, To Inform, To Sexually Excite and To Entertain". He was persuaded that the third could be successfully incorporated into the last for a snappier slogan.
 
Henry VIII and Catherine of Aragon divorced over a decade-long disagreement about which is the worst Star Trek movie. Henry thought it was Nemesis, whereas Catherine despised the idolatry of Star Trek V.
 
While many believe Catherine the Great died while attempting to take a length from her prized horse, her death was actually due to a stroke brought on after reading a Glassdoor review of her palace in which a disgruntled employee claimed "Below stairs we call her Catherine the Bellend".
 

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