Moopyvision 2000-2009: Round 6 - Malta, Portugal, Bulgaria & Hungary RESULTS

[La Peneloupée monte le son]

3rd: Claudette Pace - Desire (132pts)

To my mind, whether or not you were on board with this HOT CALYPSO SHIT was the general marker of whether you thought Malta was a killer round or not. Astonishingly, Madame Claudette was THIRTY TWO years old here - and frankly, you could've gone another 25 on top of that and easily fooled me...

Accompanied onstage by backing singer and future Estonian x2 entrant Sahlene, Claudette took this Vella n' Borg banger all the way to 8th in Stockholm. She never released anything again after this, but is now Deputy Speaker of the Maltese Parliament for Malta's answer to the Tories, frequently touting her Eurovision stint as the party's outreach to the nation's gay community. Honestly, what a country

She's now also taken the married name BUTTIGIEG - no word as to whether she's related to Mayor Pete, but no doubt if she is that'll be ANOTHER notch on her bedpost for ways to get the Nationalist Party to appeal to the mincers of Malta.

4 x 12 (@win_the_game, @Pingu, @Queen of the Bay, @dmlaw)
1 x 0 (@auretz)

 

[win_the_game]

A triumph of a song. Just one of the many highlights from the 2000 contest.

 

[Pingu]

According to Wikipedia, Desire was chosen as the official Gay Pride anthem in 2001. Oh Malta, what a coun-

Wait hang on a second… it’s referring to the UK GAY PRIDE ANTHEM.

 

[ButterTart]

To my mind, whether or not you were on board with this HOT CALYPSO SHIT was the general marker of whether you thought Malta was a killer round or not.

I gave this a 2, so the story checks out.

 

[La Peneloupée monte le son]

Which means we've come down to a top two of the two Maltese bridesmaids of the decade - Chiara vs. Ira Losco...

 

[Marina Salty]

She was a wonderful performer oozing confidence stage charisma and enjoying every minute of it.
My all time favourite Maltese entry.

 

[La Peneloupée monte le son]

According to Wikipedia, Desire was chosen as the official Gay Pride anthem in 2001. Oh Malta, what a coun-

Wait hang on a second… it’s referring to the UK GAY PRIDE ANTHEM.

Honestly, the absolute tsunami of frosted tips aside, WHAT A YEAR that must have been

 

[win_the_game]

Like a young Patti Lupone meets Cruising with Jane McDonald.

 

[Marina Salty]

And her live was even better than her studio version, what a woman. Apologies for repeating myself but I love her.

 

[La Peneloupée monte le son]

2nd: Chiara - Angel (142pts)

Really, it can't be undercounted what an absolute triumph this was. Bearing more than a passing resemblance to Jennifer Rush's Power of Love, Chiara's second tip at the crown after her cruel third-place-at-the-last-gasp finish in 1998 probably looked destined for a creditable top ten finish at best after the draw sent her out to perform third on the night in a contest as jam-packed as 2005's - especially with Israel having their own well-regarded ballad from Shiri Maimon later on in the line-up.

Nonetheless, she ended up still turning it out, wink and all, soaring far ahead of Shiri and landing in second - a solid 38 points behind victors Greece, but also about the same distance ahead of bronze place finishers Romania - an astonishing finish which still stands as the most recent best performance from anyone going out in the first five slots, a record likely to stand in the age of the producer running order.

Indeed, it stands out so much that over the years I've suspected bribery and SIM shenanigans may have played a part in it - just take a look at the reciprocity that went on in Malta's semi-final votes in 2011! - but given Angel actually ended up getting some lower-level chart action in Germany (and at a time when such a thing really wasn't all that common), I'm inclined to say it checks out as legit.

Bless him, some queen even did an academic study afterwards finding that this would've won the 2005 contest if you took out the 'regional voting patterns' that favoured Greece COME OUT OF THE BUILDING WITH YOUR HANDS UP @VoR, WE HAVE YOU SURROUNDED!

4 x 12 (@ButterTart, @Music, @Kratz, @Broomhelga)
1 x 0 (@Ill Advised)

 

[Pingu]

I wanted to put a bet on a Greece-Malta 1-2 in the week leading up to the 2005 contest.

Alas, online betting exchanges were in their infancy, I was still below legal gambling age and my mum was laughed out of our local bookies when she tried to place the bet on my behalf.

 

[ButterTart]

I really didn't see this result coming. 7th Wonder is just so watery and inoffensive I didn't think even Moopy would find a reason to champion it.

 

[La Peneloupée monte le son]

I wanted to put a bet on a Greece-Malta 1-2 in the week leading up to the 2005 contest.

Alas, online betting exchanges were in their infancy, I was still below legal gambling age and my mum was laughed out of our local bookies when she tried to place the bet on my behalf.

They were still willing to place bets for you after the IGNOMINY of your "YOU DIDN'T TELL ME THEY WERE SINGING IN RUSSIAN!" t.A.T.u tip in 2003?

 

[VoR]

The 2005 televoting sequence is like porn to me. SO EXCITING. Both Chiara and Helena spend the first half hanging around the middle of the top ten, then suddenly it just GOES OFF

 

[La Peneloupée monte le son]

I really didn't see this result coming. 7th Wonder is just so watery and inoffensive I didn't think even Moopy would find a reason to champion it.

WHAT?!

 

[Pingu]

They were still willing to place bets for you after the IGNOMINY of your "YOU DIDN'T TELL ME THEY WERE SINGING IN RUSSIAN!" t.A.T.u tip in 2003?

I mean, they might have just gone for a coffee and told me the bookies thing was a bust, I don’t know.

 

[VoR]

Going back a bit, but I can never get over how much the Olivia Lewis stage show reminds me of THIS

(timestamped)

 

[ButterTart]

WHAT?!

It's a nice little song but it's a bit beige, isn't it? It just doesn't have anything about it by comparison to Malta's most decorated hotel receptionist shouting her way through an overwrought power ballad.

 

[La Peneloupée monte le son]

1st: Ira Losco - 7th Wonder (179pts)

(shouldn't it be 8th Wonder? I mean I know that doesn't sound as good but there are already seven wonders like. I'm JUST SAYING!)

Let's call it right here. Ignore that mouthy chubby fucker @ButterTart, he's still in training nappies learning how to appreciate bottoming. This - Vella n' Borg's crowning opus, the shining emerald in their back catalogue - should have won the 2002 contest hands down.

Not only was boob glitter an inspired lo-fi gimmick and reminder that there are endless ways even the most cheap 'n' cheerful competitors can find to stick in the mind and stand out from the pack, but with every passing year - with every Destiny full charge for the crown that stalls in at 7th - it begins to look worryingly clearer and clearer that this might have been Malta's last realistic shot at the crown, before the contest went stratospheric in a way that might just be a shade too big for microstates to ever truly contend in.

Also, frankly, you know a track isn't fucking about when it gets out a double key change - and heaven knows that second one, heralded with a cataclysmic BOOM that could take out an entire cruise ship, Chiara, toddler, buffet and all in one go, may well be the most viscerally satisfying pop moment we've encountered yet in this contest.

DRINK IT IN BITCHES



7 x 12 (@Penelope, @Soldi, @VoR, @Tisch, @David 5000, @Ill Advised, @ZenGiraffe)
1 x 2 (@Diddy)

 

[VoR]

The song that made me a Eurovision lifer. 16 year old VoR had his little gay mind BLOWN by that glitter stunt, and was genuinely bereft and furious when she didn't win. But it totally sealed a lifelong obsession.

Also, I now work with Maltese people and they are SO NICE that it really tickles me that they are basically a nation of VIOLENT GANGSTERS.

 

[La Peneloupée monte le son]

Which gives us the following scores on the doors after Round 6 out of 12 - we're halfway through, would you believe! Still nothing from 2004, but we get our first entry from 2005, while 2002, 2007 and 2008 all tot up their second entries apiece.

Round 1
Former former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia: XXL - 100% te ljubam (2000)
Sweden: Charlotte Perrelli - Hero (2008)
United Kingdom: Jessica Garlick - Come Back (2002)

Round 2
Estonia: Urban Symphony - Rändajad (2009)
Germany: Texas Lightning - No No Never (2006)
Poland: Ich Troje feat. Real McCoy - Follow My Heart (2006)

Round 3
Belgium: Kate Ryan - Je t'adore (2006)
Romania: Mihai Trăistariu - Tornerò (2006)
Russia: Alsou - Solo (2000)

Round 4
Bosnia-Herzegovina: Hari Mata Hari - Lejla (2006)
France: Natasha St-Pier - Je n'ai que mon âme (2001)
Ireland: Sinead Mulvey & Black Daisy - Et cetera (2009)

Round 5
Croatia: Claudia Beni - Više nisam tvoja (2003)
Latvia: Brainstorm - My Star (2000)
Montenegro: Andrea Demirović - Just Get Out of My Life (2009)
Serbia: Marija Šerifović - Molitva (2007)

Round 6
Bulgaria: Elitsa & Stoyan - Water (2007)
Hungary: NOX - Forogj, világ! (2005)
Malta: Ira Losco - 7th Wonder (2002)
Portugal: Vânia Fernandes - Senhora do mar (2008)

2000: 3
2001: 1
2002: 2
2003: 1
2004: 0
2005: 1
2006: 5
2007: 2
2008: 2
2009: 3

 

[Marina Salty]

Thank you Penelope, beautiful write-ups, funny and educational as always.

 

[ButterTart]

shouldn't it be 8th Wonder?

Daft bitch can't even count, let alone cobble together an interesting song.

 

[La Peneloupée monte le son]

Also, now feels like a salutary time to reveal the entry requirements for ANDRA CHANSEN...

...will require entrants to have finished as RUNNERS UP in their rounds, and as such will be open to the FOLLOWING so far

Round 1
Former former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia: Karolina - Mojot svet (2007)
Sweden: Carola - Invincible (2006)
United Kingdom: Nicki French - Don't Play That Song Again (2000)

Round 2
Estonia: Sahlene - Runaway (2002)
Germany: Lou - Let's Get Happy (2003)
Poland: Isis Gee - For Life (2008)

Round 3
Belgium: Xandee - 1 Life (2004)
Romania: Nicole - Don't Break My Heart (2003)
Russia: t.A.T.u. - Ne ver ne boysia (2003)

Round 4
Bosnia-Herzegovina: Regina - Bistra voda (2009)
France: Sandrine François - Il faut du temps (2002)
Ireland: Mickey Joe Harte - We've Got The World (2003)

Round 5
Croatia: Severina - Moja štikla (2006)
Latvia: F.L.Y. - Hello From Mars (2003)
Montenegro: No Name - Zauvijek moja (2005)
Serbia: Željko Joksimović - Lane moje (2004)

Round 6
Bulgaria: Krassimir Avromov - Illusion (2009)
Hungary: Zoli Adok - Dance With Me (2009)
Malta: Chiara - Angel (2005)
Portugal: Flor-de-lis - Todas as ruas do amor (2009)

2000: 1
2001: 1
2002: 2
2003: 5
2004: 2
2005: 2
2006: 2
2007: 1
2008: 1
2009: 4

 

[Marina Salty]

*mourns the loss of Claudette and runs to see if Ines was 3rd too*

 

[dzjermlaw]

Also, now feels like a salutary time to reveal the entry requirements for ANDRA CHANSEN...

...will require entrants to have finished as RUNNERS UP in their rounds, and as such will be open to the FOLLOWING so far

Round 1
Former former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia: Karolina - Mojot svet (2007)
Sweden: Carola - Invincible (2006)
United Kingdom: Nicki French - Don't Play That Song Again (2000)

Round 2
Estonia: Sahlene - Runaway (2002)
Germany: Lou - Let's Get Happy (2003)
Poland: Isis Gee - For Life (2008)

Round 3
Belgium: Xandee - 1 Life (2004)
Romania: Nicole - Don't Break My Heart (2003)
Russia: t.A.T.u. - Ne ver ne boysia (2003)

Round 4
Bosnia-Herzegovina: Regina - Bistra voda (2009)
France: Sandrine François - Il faut du temps (2002)
Ireland: Mickey Joe Harte - We've Got The World (2003)

Round 5
Croatia: Severina - Moja štikla (2006)
Latvia: F.L.Y. - Hello From Mars (2003)
Montenegro: No Name - Zauvijek moja (2005)
Serbia: Željko Joksimović - Lane moje (2004)

Round 6
Bulgaria: Krassimir Avromov - Illusion (2009)
Hungary: Zoli Adok - Dance With Me (2009)
Malta: Chiara - Angel (2005)
Portugal: Flor-de-lis - Todas as ruas do amor (2009)

2000: 1
2001: 1
2002: 2
2003: 5
2004: 2
2005: 2
2006: 2
2007: 1
2008: 1
2009: 4

You seem to have accidentally ruled Wolves of the Sea out of contention and therefore this whole concept is irrelevant.

 

[Diddy]

Great write ups, wonderful write ups (isn’t this just the lazy moopy meme that keeps us going? )

Don’t begrudge Ira the win, it was a strong field. I think I’m missing the nostalgia component there as this was in the wilderness years for me.

I just think the song is a bit simple, despite the key changes and twinkle tits.

The first minute or so when they keep doing closeups on her not being able to smize for more than 3 seconds without giving “I don’t like this song” vibes.

And why do they have any shots of the backing singers, purposely concealed? huddled in black clothes with NO lighting, only that postal worker-looking one on the left creeping into shot sometime

 

[Una Kratz Per San Marino]

Beautiful done as always @Penelope - obviously I was rooting for a Chiara win here (it is such a plucky moment in the Eurovision history for me) but you can’t deny 7th Wonder - still agog at how both it and ‘Come Back’ were beaten by the foul Marie N.